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t is such a wonderful feeling to feel the excitement of looking forward to something. Planning it, preparing for it, thinking about what you want to take, what stops you might make.
When I was young I used to go to Mexico with my Dad and Mom. Those trips were the best. I remember my mom would pack up these great snacks for the road. We always, always had that Gallo Salomi and cheddar cheese, and Ritz crackers. Soda's, chips, that was half the fun was eating. No I actually never had a weight problem until 40ish.
Anyway, the feel good of the memory comes to mind now that I am getting ready to take a trip to see my Son Jazz. The anticipation. I will be spending the New Year with the two most important people God has gifted me with, my Boy & Future Daughter in law Damariz. (wishful thinking) I am leaving Wednesday in the afternoon, taking the doggies, cause baby girl wants to see Cha-Cha. The blessings of 2008, my beautiful son Jazz, meeting his beautiful girlfriend. She is so much more then a pretty face. She is so beautiful in her heart, and yet somehow misunderstood in this present day of everyman for themselves. She and my boy aren't like that. There is this beautiful purity to their love for one another and how they bring the best out in each other and the kindness they have towards me and each other. I feel privileged to have given birth to this wonderful gift from God, and blessed that God saw fit to guide him and Jazz was open to that guidance. He is a beautiful human being, a nice gentle man, smart, determined and passionate about what he does. He carries himself with grace, and social refinement I could only hope to achieve someday. Then again, I am pretty OK with who and what I am. He makes me laugh, he is my best friend and my one and only son. As I said to him when he was born & still say to him now " it's you and me baby till the grass turns to clover" and it has, in abundance. Now it's his turn to shine, which he does so well, and time for me to cut the cord, and all I can say is I am working on it.
I could go on forever about him. Anyway, I am hitting the road Wednesday December 31, 2008 and will come home Next Year. Oh I love that. It's like a time machine.
Have a fabulous New Year and may all that is meant to be in your life find you in a place to embrace it all. With Love and Sincere hopes for a peaceful New Year. God Bless you and your family.
These words came out of the mouth of a child. How wise my niece Gabriella Rose, at such a tender age of 15 years old, this young girl has a better grasp of the value of family and what is important to her than most adults. I felt I was the one who was given the gift when she shared her feelings of Christmas Eve.
A few weeks ago, Gabriella texted me and asked me if I was going to Grandma's for Christmas Eve. Now this has been a tradition of our family ever since I could remember. When my dad was with us, it was a really big deal for all of us to come together for Christmas Eve. Wow how I looked forward to being with my family, all the kids, everyone laughing, being goofy, Gabriella was just a baby, and Wy Wy wasn't even born yet. My niece Tricia had Jordan, her daughter, she was the spitting image of Tricia as a baby. My son Jason and I would go down to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Grandma, (my Mom) A.K.A "Little" would have chefed it up with these great Tamales, beans, salsa, tortia's. It was like a race to get to Mom and Dad's first to get the first batch of the tortia's and frijoles. The house was warm with love and laughter. My dad would bring out the liquor, my sister and I would get a little buzz on and my dad would start dancing with us.
Gabriella Rose was officially the first acknowledged great grandchild and we all just adored her. She was showered with so much attention from everyone. She had the most precious demeanor, such a happy well adjusted baby, just like my niece Trina Baby.
Anyway that gives you an idea of Christmas Eve at Grandma & Grandpa's. That was before my dad died.
Well in Gabriella's question of whether I was coming down, she said it made her sad that our family didn't all come together for Christmas Eve anymore. She said she didn't want presents, she just wanted us all together and that would be her Christmas present. My Gabriella is an innocent, she shouldn't be punished for other peoples destructive disrespectful behaviors. Why it changed, we all know, but my goal was to give my mija the present she wanted. So loving my mija as much as I do, I went to Mom's for Christmas Eve. It was fabulous.
Seeing "little" (my Mom) all dressed up in her velor sweat suit, she was sitting next to the wood burning stove, and had a little buzz. Then there is my sister "Little II", her appendage (spouse) Dennis, my sister's daughter Trina, My brother Tulla's wife Liz, my brother's children Tricia & Michael, my Great niece Gabriella Rose, her brother my Great nephew, the handsome Wy-Wy, Trina's wonderful husband Jeff, Tricia's children, my Great niece & nephew Jordan and Tory. My great nephew's, Michael's children, Issac and Eli. How I see these kids.
- My Great niece, Tricia's daughter Jordan the power player.
- I believe Jordan is going to be the next president of the United States.
- My Gabriella Rose is a Victoria Secret runway model,
- Wyat is the next Motocross power player,
- My Tory, well he is a love bug, he is only 6, but man the kid loves sports and he is good at them. Like a Golden Child, he picks up a bat, picks up a basketball and you can truly see the intent in his eyes, the love of the game. This kid too, could compete for the presidency and win.
- My Jadie Lady was not there but her family is a separate blog.
Then there is Michael's Children. Isaac and Elijah. I really don't know them, perhaps some day I will.
I feel the presence of God when I feel love and acceptance. It feels really powerful. I never thought I would be in the same room with thieves, cheaters and liars, but for the sake of my Great nieces wish, I did it, with the grace of God. I am so grateful to my Gabriella for giving me the gift of my family, with acceptance for 2 hours. That was the best gift.
My Jason called me (my one and only son) and my Damariz ( his fabulous girlfriend) I really want Jazz to Marry her. She Jokes and says that they are going to sell their babies to Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt. So I told Jazz I will buy the first one, to get pick of the litter. They are so beautiful as a couple, in and out that I really am looking forward to her becoming his wife.
Merry Christmas Eve to All, and To All A Good Night. Give the Gift of yourself, to yourself and to others.
This year putting the tree up was especially meaningful, because I am doing it for the first time, without my son at home, or my husband of thirteen years with me. Little II ( My Sissy, did encourage me to get into the Christmas spirit)
Anyway, what I discovered was putting up my tree this year held special meaning to me, because I was doing it for myself, by myself and with joy in my heart. It doesn't matter about the material gifts, but the gift of life, the taste of believing in myself , liking myself and trying see the gifts beyond the obvious.
Christmas is about the birth of Christ, additionally for me about the rebirth of living a life full of wonder, positive healthy relationships, love and acceptance. I am not saying I don't have my days, but every time I look at my tree, it makes me happy.
There is a side that misses what was, but if it were meant to be it would have been. It wasn't healthy, but that is another blog.
This year I will spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's house, just me. This will be the first time in a few years. I am doing it for my Niece's and my great niece's who really want to be around family and want to see me. I feel very grateful for that. So grateful that I am willing to walk right over the elephants in the middle of the room under the carpets to give them a big hug and smooch on Christmas Eve. Yes, some families have small mice, some have the uncle who's a drunk that they don't talk about, well we have complete and total denial as our elephants we keep brushing under the carpet. We just don't even acknowledge the problems, or the people that are creating the family separation, this way it doesn't exist. I want my great nieces and my nieces to know me, if I don't show up, all they have to compare to are people who don't talk about what is real. Just Chit Chat. That is a blog in and of itself. More about that some other time.
It's late and I just got my blog up. It has been a labor of love.
What if I told you, "you can do anything you set your mind to?" If I can do it, you can too. I know that sounds so cleche, but it is really true.
If it is meant to be, if it is in the universal plan and part of God's plan (not yours) it will happen. But you have to start with believing in yourself. I am just now starting that journey.
I would love to hear from people of their idea of believing in themselves.
