This year putting the tree up was especially meaningful, because I am doing it for the first time, without my son at home, or my husband of thirteen years with me. Little II ( My Sissy, did encourage me to get into the Christmas spirit)Anyway, what I discovered was putting up my tree this year held special meaning to me, because I was doing it for myself, by myself and with joy in my heart. It doesn't matter about the material gifts, but the gift of life, the taste of believing in myself , liking myself and trying see the gifts beyond the obvious.
Christmas is about the birth of Christ, additionally for me about the rebirth of living a life full of wonder, positive healthy relationships, love and acceptance. I am not saying I don't have my days, but every time I look at my tree, it makes me happy.
There is a side that misses what was, but if it were meant to be it would have been. It wasn't healthy, but that is another blog.
This year I will spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's house, just me. This will be the first time in a few years. I am doing it for my Niece's and my great niece's who really want to be around family and want to see me. I feel very grateful for that. So grateful that I am willing to walk right over the elephants in the middle of the room under the carpets to give them a big hug and smooch on Christmas Eve. Yes, some families have small mice, some have the uncle who's a drunk that they don't talk about, well we have complete and total denial as our elephants we keep brushing under the carpet. We just don't even acknowledge the problems, or the people that are creating the family separation, this way it doesn't exist. I want my great nieces and my nieces to know me, if I don't show up, all they have to compare to are people who don't talk about what is real. Just Chit Chat. That is a blog in and of itself. More about that some other time.
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